Waiting for the phone to ring...

I'm surprisingly calm.  I could attribute these feelings to several different reasons.  Perhaps it's due to the fact that I was so sure after my first interview that the job was lost to me and rewarded to someone with a much more impressive resume that I am still convinced it's just not going to happen.  Maybe it's because I'm over-confident at how comfortable I was with the woman who interviewed me that I am just sure they are slowly weeding out and checking off all the people who don't compare to a stellar option such as myself.  Most likely it is because I am suffering from a "serious" (per the doc) middle ear infection, a sore throat, body aches and cough fits that cause me to think my lungs are about to burst through my body, ripping my Twilight t-shirt in half and land on our hard wood floors... pretty graphic, huh?

I go through all the pros and cons at least one a day in my head.  The job would certainly help our financial situation.  It would get me out of serving.  It's a position dealing directly with what I have recently become incredibly involved and interested in.  I'll have my own office.  I'll dress as a big girl and my uniform won't include a dirty apron.  It'll give me something to put on my resume other than "I bring people food and beer".  I'll get to stay in the house that I love and it will keep us in Denver (an idea I half love and half hate equally).  I won't be home for holidays which will be rough.  In fact, that's one of the big things they keep reminding me of and I'm getting the hint that maybe that's why the average time someone stays in this position is only two years.  It's been titled a "thankless" job in which it may cause those that thought they loved non-profit work to hate it.  It's going to be a good thirty minute drive every morning and afternoon in traffic.  I will hate getting up early for at least the first two months... minimum timing... in fact, I will probably bitch about it for at least three months to Jason.

When it really comes down to it... I think I want this job pretty badly.  However, I refuse to let my hopes get sky high and that's why I "think" and not "know".  I know the chance is still pretty 50/50, perhaps even less on getting the job since they made it a point to also tell me that they have really liked almost everyone they have interviewed thus far.

I'm surprisingly calm.  It could be all those other things but I think it's because I may finally understand the idea that worrying is not going to make their decision come any faster and what will be will be.  I can only do what I can do... and the rest is up to God or Buddha or the heavens or whatever/whomever is in charge.

Til next time...

Erin